My Love Is In League With the Freeway

...we stood, arms intertwined behind each other's backs, in front of the cracked mirror in that hot, dusty motel room and I looked at our reflection; his hairy sweat drenched chest still heaving in post coital satisfaction, my face flushed red from the same. And then we kissed. The hot skin of our chests pressed together, our mouths connected, my head spinning...what the fuck was I doing?

***

Back in the early 80's, much of Southern New Jersey was farmland and open roads. To the untrained eye, one might think that he was driving somewhere out in the Midwest as he passed miles and miles of cornfields or woods choked with pine trees.

Old motels dotted some of the back roads, built, one suspects, for the weary traveler making his way to or from the shore points that fill the eastern most edges of the state. With the advent of the Parkway, most of these old motels were used mostly for those looking for an afternoon delight or an address where no one could find them.

My fuck buddy, Van, was fond of the Jersey Devil Motor court which sat just off county road 611 just outside one of the state parks.

We had spent a long hot day at the beach and on the way home Van suggested we spend the night at the JD. I looked over at him in the passenger seat, he was wearing nothing but a pair of shorts, his hairy chest wet with sweat, his dirty blond hair all askew. I reached over and grabbed his crotch and he smiled at me.

Officially, Van was still married. He had moved out of his home, his wife getting the place he had broke his back paying for, she also kept his car, and most importantly, she kept his children. He had some visiting rights, and for that he was grateful; but for the most part, this was wrecking him ... so, I remained a loyal friend and confidant. I did what I could, mostly I guided him on his sexual journey.

That journey had begun months earlier at work when he confessed to me that he was gay, and one thing lead to another, and we became fuck buddies.

I discovered over time, that Van enjoyed being dominated, and that was cool, I understood it. At work he was the go-to-guy, the top man. He was damn good at his job as a social worker, on a daily basis fighting the good fight; meanwhile his personal life was going to hell...so when it came time to hit the sheets, he wanted someone else to be in control.

That said, our relationship was what it was; there were no emotional entanglements, or so I thought ...

We checked into the Jersey Devil at around six o clock that early summer night. And once we got our room, we stripped down and immediately went at each other; Van was all over me, licking at my chest, kissing me, his hands going all over my body until they finally found my cock which he held on to tightly like a prize of some sort.

He quickly got on his knees and rubbed my dick all over his face. I could feel his hot breath down there and he was making me crazy with anticipation. I reached down and pushed his head towards my cock whispering, "Come on, man, now", and he opened his mouth and began sucking me off.

I closed my eyes and threw my head back and groaned in ecstasy, sweat dripping off me due to the heat as well as my libido.

It did not take long for me to shoot a load, and Van took it all, swallowing my seed and staying on my cock, draining every last drop out of me until I got weak in the knees and fell to the squeaky bed.

He climbed onto the bed, joining me, kissing me, all over, working from my crotch, then to my belly, and finally up to my chest where he landed biting at my tits ... I was getting hard again so I grabbed his huge cock and pulled him towards me and this time I kissed his mouth, tenderly and with passion. Then I pulled back for a second and looked at him, I don't think he knew how beautiful he was; and in the glow of the fading summer sun, he looked almost other-worldly, like an angel.

Then I went down on him, slowly taking his thick piece into my mouth, savoring it, swallowing it, I could still smell the aroma of coconut on him, that beach odor, and I wanted to eat him alive.

He was shaking now, I knew he was gone, so I cupped his ball sack with a free hand, and with the other went for his left nipple and gave it a tweak, all the while, sucking him off as best I could ... when I felt him begin to stiffen and arch his back, I swiftly removed my hand from his nuts and brought a couple of fingers to his asshole, and as soon as I connected with his tight hole, he came in my mouth and let out a shout ... he tasted sweet, almost as sweet as coconut ... but maybe that was just because that the smell of the tanning oil on his body was overwhelming ...

When he was through we kissed again, and the passion from earlier was still there, this was more than just a friendly kiss shared by buddy's ... it scared me, but it was so beautiful and so perfect, I just went with it.

Fifteen minutes later, we lay in bed nursing a couple of cold beers; as we swigged the chilled brew nothing was said. From outside, I could hear a woman yelling something until finally a car in bad need of a new muffler roared to life and took the screaming woman with it.

It was dusk now, and a breeze began to blow the moth eaten curtains bringing in a slightly cooler temperature. It felt wonderful.

Then I turned to my left and looked at him, his cock fully erect again, as was mine, and he said, "I have to tell you something, I think I'm falling in love with you."

"NO!" I said, sitting up, my bottle of beer falling from my hands and to the floor spilling everywhere, "Don't ruin it, man! Just enjoy it, don't over think it, don't over analyze it", I was going into panic mode now, "It's just that I am the first guy you've been with, you are confusing sex with romance, big difference dude, trust me, BIG difference..."

And he put his hand over my mouth and said softly, "Don't tell me what I'm feeling, I know what this is, and I can't help it..."

I fell back on the bed and said, "Van, you don't want me, trust me, my love is in league with the freeway!"

He laughed out loud and said, "What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means that when ever I don't have a good come back, I quote a line from a song", I said flatly.

"It's OK, I'll work this through, I guess it's kind of like falling in love with your therapist", he said without a hint of irony in his voice.

"Yeah, something like that", I said staring up at the ceiling which was full of water spots.

After that, he turned on his side and fell asleep. A few minutes later, I did the same.

***

A loud crash of thunder woke me at around two in the morning. I sat up in bed with a start and saw the Van was not there. Blindly I made my way across the small motel room until I heard the shower running in the powder room. I paused for a minute and then grabbed another beer out of the cooler. After I took a swig I went on a search for cigarettes and found my pack on the dresser. I lit up and went to the window and was greeted by a strobe of lightning followed by another thunder clap that made me jump out of my skin. I saw from the light in the parking lot that it had not rained, this was heat lightning ... strangely, the night had grown warmer. I blew smoke out the open window and I did not even hear Van as he came back into the bedroom.

He slipped his arm around my waist and lay his still damp body against my back. He smelled of Ivory soap and faintly of some kind of after shave. I cursed myself for it, but I was getting aroused again.

I turned to him and said, "Look, I'm sorry I acted the way I did earlier..."

"It's OK," he said, his face solemn, "I understand where you are coming from, and I don't want to scare you away ... I just need to know that you won't take off now."

"Never, man, never, I swear."

We kissed again and then I said, "Let me go grab a quick shower, I'm feeling kind of ripe."

And with that I made my way to the bathroom and showered.

When I came back out, Van was sitting up in bed, his cock at full mast.

I dived on to the bed and yanked at his member saying, "Brother, you have got one huge fucking piece," and I slowly stroked it making a fist that engulfed his prick. As I squeezed it tighter I said, "Why don't you fuck me? I mean, I saw you in action that one time last spring in North Jersey, you threw a great fuck into that guy at that garage..."

He smiled at me and said, "Yeah, but I like getting fucked, especially by you, I love how aggressive you get, it really turns me on."

"Well, I can be just as aggressive under you brother"...

I lay on the bed while he lubed up, and as soon as I felt the tip of his cock at my butt I yelled out, "Come on baby! Fuck me like you mean it! I want it hard, I want to remember this, don't let me down, punk!"

When his cock slipped in, I gasped, not at all prepared for the girth of it at all, but I kept playing, yelling out, "Yeah! Now ride me, you mother fucker! Come on, you know you want to!" When he slapped my ass, I laughed out loud and said, "That's what I'm talkin' bout!"

His cock felt so good, and It was cool to have some one else in the drivers seat, such as it was, for a bit.

He fucked me at a steady pace for a few minutes and then he cried out, "Gonna shoot!" and he pulled out and sprayed a stream of his jizz all over my back.

I was about to get up off the bed, when Van dashed into the bathroom and took a towel and cleaned my back off.

"Thanks", I said, and then I pushed him down on the bed and said, "Now I get some of the beautiful ass of yours, bitch."

I spit on the head of my cock and dived on top of him as he lay on his stomach. His tight ass was a challenge as always, but eventually I got in and he started moaning in pain. Slowly, I pumped him and every time I went in he would gasp.

Finally, I started pounding him and he began bucking like a wild stallion and smashing his fists into the mattress, biting at the pillows. I smacked at his ass a few times and called him a bitch and he cried out, "YES!"... and I was off to the races...

When I felt the orgasm coming I held my breath, I really did not want to cum just yet, but it was as if Van's body knew what I was thinking, and it seemed that his asshole tightened around my cock, and I lost all control shooting my load up into his guts, my eyes rolling into the back of my head, the room going gray and then, engulfed in pleasure, I fell onto his back and bit him on his shoulder, the sound of his screams like music to my ears...

...Exhausted, I fell on top of him and was about to say something when he pushed me off of him and worked his way free and then pulled me off the bed...

"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked.

He pulled me over to the dresser, to the mirror with a huge crack in it and said, "Look".

We stood, arms intertwined behind each other's backs, in front of the cracked mirror in that hot, dusty motel room and I looked at our reflection; his hairy sweat drenched chest still heaving in post coital satisfaction, my face flushed red from the same. And then we kissed. The hot skin of our chests pressed together, our mouths connected, my head spinning...what the fuck was I doing?

"Do you see what I see?" he asked after we finished kissing.

Finally I turned to him, and took him in my arms and held him as tight as I could and whispered in his ear, " Remember, my love is in league with the freeway", and he laughed and said back to me, "Stop quoting Robert Plant and just enjoy this..."

And we kissed again, and once more a crash of thunder filled the room, and once more I wondered, what the fuck I was doing?

But the two guys staring back at me from the broken mirror remained silent.

I Aint No Fool For Love Songs That Whisper In My Ear

He sat on the edge of the bed, shooting me that sideways glance of his that I had not seen for years. I knew what was coming next, I knew it was bound to happen, I wanted it to happen ... I needed to wrap myself in the arms of an old lover and forget everything ... to reconnect with someone I once was insanely smitten with; what do they call it? Rebounding? Sex with the Ex?

To me it was like coming home.

GHOST IN THE LIQUOR STORE

May of 1986, Chris and I were over. He was out in Colorado, dating a woman and planning on getting married. Andy was living in New York City chasing his American dream ... and me, I was back in New Jersey, licking my wounds, working long hours at a social service agency, and, with the exception of a roll in the hay with a fuck buddy now and again, living a pretty dull life.

One Friday night, bored out my mind, I stopped into a liquor store on my way home from work, intent on buying myself a bottle of cheap wine so that I could be good and drunk when I took advantage of myself later on in the evening. I figured that the booze and a porn rental would do the job nicely.

As I perused the bottles of merlots and pinot noirs I became aware that someone was standing directly behind me. I turned to see who was trying to bore a hole in the back of my head and was stunned to see Stu staring back at me.

It was ghostly at first, like I was seeing a specter of some sort... and then, my wits returned and I smiled widely, he truly was a sight for sore eyes; still as beautiful as he was the last time I saw him in 1984...

"Of all the gin joints in all the world, he had to walk into mine", he said in his best Bogart and laughed. And then I burst out in laughter. We hugged each other and then both immediately began talking at the same time.

It turned out that he was back because his parents were selling their home in town and needed him to keep an eye on the place while they were away in Europe.

We agreed to go out for a bite to eat and catch up.

After dinner he asked me to come back to his folks house.

DOWNSTAIRS

It had been almost ten years since I was in this house, the very house that I more or less lost my virginity when I was a teenager ...

"So how is Vermont?" I asked as we sat in the living room on a large overstuffed sofa.

"Oh man, it's great. It's a whole other world," he said sipping a glass of wine, his eyes never leaving mine, "a lot of very cool people there, and a great artist's community in Johnson. I love it."

I nodded my head and said, "Are you seeing anyone?"

He put down his wine and said softly, "No, not now. Too scary. It's not like when we were younger..."

I smiled and added, "Guess what I had last month?"

He shook his head.

"My first fucking AIDS test. I had to wait almost two weeks for results."

"So, is everything ok?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, don't that beat all? I mean when you consider the amount of fucking and sucking I've taken a part in over the years ... yeah, well, I guess I'm lucky."

"It sucks being gay these days", he said.

"It's never been the greatest card to be dealt," I added, "We were just lucky, me you, Andy and Chris... damn could you imagine what it would have been like if we had not known each other?"

He nodded in agreement and poured me some more wine, and then out of the blue, he gave me kiss on the cheek and said, "Sorry, it just felt like the natural thing to do."

"Stu, there is no need to apologize," and then I pulled him back to me and we kissed properly...at first it was awkward, but in a matter of seconds he relaxed and he kissed me like it was 1977...

Then we sat quietly for a second and he said, "I have not been with anyone in over a year", his face looking tense and fraught with worry.

I pulled him to me and he lay his head on my shoulder and I said, "I know, I know..."

And we stayed like that for what seemed hours.

But it was really just a matter of minutes.

Then we kissed again, the wine forgotten, our mouths attached, an almost desperate energy between us both ... "Take your pants off," I whispered in between kisses, "Take them off and relax" ... soon his 501's were down around his ankles and I was on my knees in front of his stiff cock ... I went down on him and immediately recognized his taste and smell, it was familiar, and so exciting ... and then I let my hands go to his chest and while I sucked I went for his tits and as soon as I did this, he shot a load in my mouth and let out a surprised yell ... I swallowed his cum and wiped my mouth and looked up at him, his face finally serene...

Now, I was lying across the sofa and he was at my dick, working me like the old days in that slow, sensual methodical way of his ... his hands, of course, going to my tits, pinching them and making me gasp in pleasure, and when I finally came, he swallowed me and it was good ... just like the old days.

His mojo was back after all, when he said, "Say, I've got some really good dope, want to blow a bowl?"

So we sat in the kitchen in our underwear and smoked a couple of bowls of some righteous weed, he flicked on a small radio on top of the refrigerator and Jim Morrison serenaded us.

"So Chris is getting hitched?" he asked nonchalantly as he packed another bowl, "I hope whoever she is knows what she's getting into!"

I laughed in spite of everything and nodded my head.

"Man, he was something else, what a guy. Never quite understood him, but I am grateful, seriously grateful for him, I mean he made me feel good about who I was ... I am ... and thanks to him, I'm always turned on by pro wrestling."

"Same here", I added.

"So what happened between you guys, I mean why did he opt for the white picket fence..."

I put up my hand and said, "Can we not talk about him, I have to go to his fucking wedding in a month. I am the best man!"

"The fuck you say!" he exclaimed his eyes wide with surprise, "Oh man, here, take some more you really need this more than I do", and he handed the pipe back to me.

A few minutes later, the bowl beat and the two of us bleary eyed and stoned, he took me by the hand and said, "Do you want to go upstairs and fuck?"

I thought he'd never ask.


UPSTAIRS

He sat on the edge of the bed, shooting me that sideways glance of his that I had not seen for years. I knew what was coming next, I knew it was bound to happen, I wanted it to happen ... I needed to wrap myself in the arms of an old lover and forget everything ... to reconnect with someone I once was insanely smitten with; what do they call it? Rebounding? Sex with the Ex?

Walking over to the bed, he smiled at me and stood up and we faced each other. His hands went to my nipples and he began tweaking and pinching them, his face an intense mask of concentration. Maybe it was the pot, but it felt like every nerve ending was tied to my tits and I was overwhelmed by the sensation, and then he said, "Hey man, what about me?" And with that I went for his tits and met every pinch and pull and listened as he chuckled evilly and moaned, "Oh brother, man, why did we ever part?"

I decided now was not the time to mention Mitch, so I grabbed his fully erect cock and pulled him towards me and wrapped my arms around him, and we drew into a kiss that was sloppy, and wet and very electric. As we made out, we rammed our cocks into each other, our hips grinding ... I could feel his precum dripping down my leg, and I caught our reflection in the mirror over a dresser and I kept stealing glances at these two old lovers who had found each other again, and wondering if they were lucky, or both just satisfying a need.

He pushed me on to the bed and we began wrestling around on the sheets. It was all playful and sexually charged and eventually we ended up in a 69 position and sucked each other's dicks ... we rolled around until I was on top of him fucking his face while I kept his cock in my mouth and gave him head ... then we rolled again and I found him on top of me, his head going like a jack-hammer as he sucked ... I let my hands come up and grabbed at his tight ass cheeks, pushing him down on me, and then I started working back towards his hole until I reached it and began fingering him in earnest. He stopped sucking me off, and threw his head up and growled in ecstasy, "Oh man, don't stop!" he cried out.

He climbed off of me and without a word was on his knees, holding on to the headboard of the bed, his ass raised ... I wanted to fuck him so bad ... but...

..."Stu" I said, breaking the spell, "I don't have any condoms".

"Under the bed!" He yelled, "There's lube and rubbers under the bed."

Sure as hell, there they were; and I stopped for a second and wondered why someone who has not had sex with anyone in years would be laying in a supply of grease and Trojans at his parent's house...

...I'd worry about that later...

Sheathed and lubed, I plowed my old boyfriend, taking an aggressive route that he seemed to enjoy as he cheered me on saying, "Harder, man, make me feel it, OH YEAH! That's it, fuck me raw!!!" That's all I needed to go into jackrabbit mode and I let him have it with everything in me, and man it was so fucking hot, his ass was as sweet and tight as it always had been and I was digging giving this fuck ... meanwhile the radio from the kitchen was still on and the voice of Leon Russell singing "Back to the Island" made it's way up the stairs, I always liked that song ...

Now I lay flat on his back, my hips rising and falling as I fucked Stu into next week. Reaching under him to his tits, I started yanking on them and he kept crying out my name and every time he uttered it, I'd fuck him harder, finally I grabbed a handful of that thick blue / black hair of his and pulled on it yanking his head back as I said through gritted teeth, "Gonna' cum!", and I did and I closed my eyes and for the first time in years, I saw fireworks and felt electric and found this orgasm to be one in a million.

After I shot, I told him to fuck me, and he did. Throwing my legs over his shoulders he slipped on a condom and was off to the races. I watched him the entire time and felt something in me, that old romantic something-or-other come back to life and as I studied his face, a mask of coital pleasure, I found myself falling in love all over again, and I hated myself for that...and when he came he jerked back and pulled out, tossed the condom and shot his load all over me until I was covered in his sticky, sweet, juice ... and Paul Simon was now singing downstairs; "Still Crazy After All These Years"...


AFTER WORDS

We lay in bed, exhausted while the songs from the kitchen kept playing. I wondered what was really going on in his life, really. But for the time being, this was OK, two former lovers throwing a life raft to each other, helping each other through a rough patch...

He started singing along with the song, in my ear he sang softly, "If only you'd believe like I, we'd get by..."

I chuckled and then he said, "Why don't you move to Vermont with me? What's keeping you here in Jersey?"

I started to say something, but I stopped and looked over at him, his beautiful bedroom eyes, his thick sensual lips, his gorgeous hair and then I leaned over and sang softly, " I ain't no fool for love songs that whisper in my ear..."

He frowned and I gave him a kiss on the forehead and then got out of bed.

Then I made my way downstairs, put on my clothes and left.

As I drove on through the night, I felt empty, kind of sad, maybe like I finally had closed a chapter of my life for good ... and on the other hand, I felt liberated, like I walked away from something that maybe was not all that good to begin with ...

I never saw Stu again.