I Aint No Fool For Love Songs That Whisper In My Ear

He sat on the edge of the bed, shooting me that sideways glance of his that I had not seen for years. I knew what was coming next, I knew it was bound to happen, I wanted it to happen ... I needed to wrap myself in the arms of an old lover and forget everything ... to reconnect with someone I once was insanely smitten with; what do they call it? Rebounding? Sex with the Ex?

To me it was like coming home.

GHOST IN THE LIQUOR STORE

May of 1986, Chris and I were over. He was out in Colorado, dating a woman and planning on getting married. Andy was living in New York City chasing his American dream ... and me, I was back in New Jersey, licking my wounds, working long hours at a social service agency, and, with the exception of a roll in the hay with a fuck buddy now and again, living a pretty dull life.

One Friday night, bored out my mind, I stopped into a liquor store on my way home from work, intent on buying myself a bottle of cheap wine so that I could be good and drunk when I took advantage of myself later on in the evening. I figured that the booze and a porn rental would do the job nicely.

As I perused the bottles of merlots and pinot noirs I became aware that someone was standing directly behind me. I turned to see who was trying to bore a hole in the back of my head and was stunned to see Stu staring back at me.

It was ghostly at first, like I was seeing a specter of some sort... and then, my wits returned and I smiled widely, he truly was a sight for sore eyes; still as beautiful as he was the last time I saw him in 1984...

"Of all the gin joints in all the world, he had to walk into mine", he said in his best Bogart and laughed. And then I burst out in laughter. We hugged each other and then both immediately began talking at the same time.

It turned out that he was back because his parents were selling their home in town and needed him to keep an eye on the place while they were away in Europe.

We agreed to go out for a bite to eat and catch up.

After dinner he asked me to come back to his folks house.

DOWNSTAIRS

It had been almost ten years since I was in this house, the very house that I more or less lost my virginity when I was a teenager ...

"So how is Vermont?" I asked as we sat in the living room on a large overstuffed sofa.

"Oh man, it's great. It's a whole other world," he said sipping a glass of wine, his eyes never leaving mine, "a lot of very cool people there, and a great artist's community in Johnson. I love it."

I nodded my head and said, "Are you seeing anyone?"

He put down his wine and said softly, "No, not now. Too scary. It's not like when we were younger..."

I smiled and added, "Guess what I had last month?"

He shook his head.

"My first fucking AIDS test. I had to wait almost two weeks for results."

"So, is everything ok?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, don't that beat all? I mean when you consider the amount of fucking and sucking I've taken a part in over the years ... yeah, well, I guess I'm lucky."

"It sucks being gay these days", he said.

"It's never been the greatest card to be dealt," I added, "We were just lucky, me you, Andy and Chris... damn could you imagine what it would have been like if we had not known each other?"

He nodded in agreement and poured me some more wine, and then out of the blue, he gave me kiss on the cheek and said, "Sorry, it just felt like the natural thing to do."

"Stu, there is no need to apologize," and then I pulled him back to me and we kissed properly...at first it was awkward, but in a matter of seconds he relaxed and he kissed me like it was 1977...

Then we sat quietly for a second and he said, "I have not been with anyone in over a year", his face looking tense and fraught with worry.

I pulled him to me and he lay his head on my shoulder and I said, "I know, I know..."

And we stayed like that for what seemed hours.

But it was really just a matter of minutes.

Then we kissed again, the wine forgotten, our mouths attached, an almost desperate energy between us both ... "Take your pants off," I whispered in between kisses, "Take them off and relax" ... soon his 501's were down around his ankles and I was on my knees in front of his stiff cock ... I went down on him and immediately recognized his taste and smell, it was familiar, and so exciting ... and then I let my hands go to his chest and while I sucked I went for his tits and as soon as I did this, he shot a load in my mouth and let out a surprised yell ... I swallowed his cum and wiped my mouth and looked up at him, his face finally serene...

Now, I was lying across the sofa and he was at my dick, working me like the old days in that slow, sensual methodical way of his ... his hands, of course, going to my tits, pinching them and making me gasp in pleasure, and when I finally came, he swallowed me and it was good ... just like the old days.

His mojo was back after all, when he said, "Say, I've got some really good dope, want to blow a bowl?"

So we sat in the kitchen in our underwear and smoked a couple of bowls of some righteous weed, he flicked on a small radio on top of the refrigerator and Jim Morrison serenaded us.

"So Chris is getting hitched?" he asked nonchalantly as he packed another bowl, "I hope whoever she is knows what she's getting into!"

I laughed in spite of everything and nodded my head.

"Man, he was something else, what a guy. Never quite understood him, but I am grateful, seriously grateful for him, I mean he made me feel good about who I was ... I am ... and thanks to him, I'm always turned on by pro wrestling."

"Same here", I added.

"So what happened between you guys, I mean why did he opt for the white picket fence..."

I put up my hand and said, "Can we not talk about him, I have to go to his fucking wedding in a month. I am the best man!"

"The fuck you say!" he exclaimed his eyes wide with surprise, "Oh man, here, take some more you really need this more than I do", and he handed the pipe back to me.

A few minutes later, the bowl beat and the two of us bleary eyed and stoned, he took me by the hand and said, "Do you want to go upstairs and fuck?"

I thought he'd never ask.


UPSTAIRS

He sat on the edge of the bed, shooting me that sideways glance of his that I had not seen for years. I knew what was coming next, I knew it was bound to happen, I wanted it to happen ... I needed to wrap myself in the arms of an old lover and forget everything ... to reconnect with someone I once was insanely smitten with; what do they call it? Rebounding? Sex with the Ex?

Walking over to the bed, he smiled at me and stood up and we faced each other. His hands went to my nipples and he began tweaking and pinching them, his face an intense mask of concentration. Maybe it was the pot, but it felt like every nerve ending was tied to my tits and I was overwhelmed by the sensation, and then he said, "Hey man, what about me?" And with that I went for his tits and met every pinch and pull and listened as he chuckled evilly and moaned, "Oh brother, man, why did we ever part?"

I decided now was not the time to mention Mitch, so I grabbed his fully erect cock and pulled him towards me and wrapped my arms around him, and we drew into a kiss that was sloppy, and wet and very electric. As we made out, we rammed our cocks into each other, our hips grinding ... I could feel his precum dripping down my leg, and I caught our reflection in the mirror over a dresser and I kept stealing glances at these two old lovers who had found each other again, and wondering if they were lucky, or both just satisfying a need.

He pushed me on to the bed and we began wrestling around on the sheets. It was all playful and sexually charged and eventually we ended up in a 69 position and sucked each other's dicks ... we rolled around until I was on top of him fucking his face while I kept his cock in my mouth and gave him head ... then we rolled again and I found him on top of me, his head going like a jack-hammer as he sucked ... I let my hands come up and grabbed at his tight ass cheeks, pushing him down on me, and then I started working back towards his hole until I reached it and began fingering him in earnest. He stopped sucking me off, and threw his head up and growled in ecstasy, "Oh man, don't stop!" he cried out.

He climbed off of me and without a word was on his knees, holding on to the headboard of the bed, his ass raised ... I wanted to fuck him so bad ... but...

..."Stu" I said, breaking the spell, "I don't have any condoms".

"Under the bed!" He yelled, "There's lube and rubbers under the bed."

Sure as hell, there they were; and I stopped for a second and wondered why someone who has not had sex with anyone in years would be laying in a supply of grease and Trojans at his parent's house...

...I'd worry about that later...

Sheathed and lubed, I plowed my old boyfriend, taking an aggressive route that he seemed to enjoy as he cheered me on saying, "Harder, man, make me feel it, OH YEAH! That's it, fuck me raw!!!" That's all I needed to go into jackrabbit mode and I let him have it with everything in me, and man it was so fucking hot, his ass was as sweet and tight as it always had been and I was digging giving this fuck ... meanwhile the radio from the kitchen was still on and the voice of Leon Russell singing "Back to the Island" made it's way up the stairs, I always liked that song ...

Now I lay flat on his back, my hips rising and falling as I fucked Stu into next week. Reaching under him to his tits, I started yanking on them and he kept crying out my name and every time he uttered it, I'd fuck him harder, finally I grabbed a handful of that thick blue / black hair of his and pulled on it yanking his head back as I said through gritted teeth, "Gonna' cum!", and I did and I closed my eyes and for the first time in years, I saw fireworks and felt electric and found this orgasm to be one in a million.

After I shot, I told him to fuck me, and he did. Throwing my legs over his shoulders he slipped on a condom and was off to the races. I watched him the entire time and felt something in me, that old romantic something-or-other come back to life and as I studied his face, a mask of coital pleasure, I found myself falling in love all over again, and I hated myself for that...and when he came he jerked back and pulled out, tossed the condom and shot his load all over me until I was covered in his sticky, sweet, juice ... and Paul Simon was now singing downstairs; "Still Crazy After All These Years"...


AFTER WORDS

We lay in bed, exhausted while the songs from the kitchen kept playing. I wondered what was really going on in his life, really. But for the time being, this was OK, two former lovers throwing a life raft to each other, helping each other through a rough patch...

He started singing along with the song, in my ear he sang softly, "If only you'd believe like I, we'd get by..."

I chuckled and then he said, "Why don't you move to Vermont with me? What's keeping you here in Jersey?"

I started to say something, but I stopped and looked over at him, his beautiful bedroom eyes, his thick sensual lips, his gorgeous hair and then I leaned over and sang softly, " I ain't no fool for love songs that whisper in my ear..."

He frowned and I gave him a kiss on the forehead and then got out of bed.

Then I made my way downstairs, put on my clothes and left.

As I drove on through the night, I felt empty, kind of sad, maybe like I finally had closed a chapter of my life for good ... and on the other hand, I felt liberated, like I walked away from something that maybe was not all that good to begin with ...

I never saw Stu again.